My mother had her children in the 80′s; the bias back then in Ireland was firmly in favour of formula. Only poor people breastfed; only immodest hussies and itinerants breastfed in public. Formula freed men from the embarrassment of random boobage appearing, something the Catholic Church embraced wholeheartedly.
So much for the bad old days. Undoubtedly things have changed for the better; there is a proactive campaign to encourage breastfeeding, every hospital tries to ensure that mothers put babe to the breast immediately and the Public Health Nurses run lactation clinics once a week.
But have we gone too far in the opposite direction?
I was determined to breastfeed. I persevered in face of my colostrum not coming in for 24 hours, flat nipples, screaming unhappy baby, pain, blocked duct, Mastitis, low supply..until baby stopped gaining weight. As each problem arose I asked for help and while nurses, lactation consultants and other breasfeeding mothers were happy to offer advice, I was met with a uniform refusal to acknowledge that there were any problems breastfeeding that didn’t come down to poor latch or some adjustment on the mother’s behalf.
Things no one will tell you about breastfeeding
Firstly let me start by saying I am fully in favour of breastfeeding. I would want to be: I spent the last four months doing it and as I type baby is firmly attached to my right boob. Yes, breast is best. Yes, it’s natural.
But no, it’s not the panacea that everyone from the WHO to online “experts” or self styled lactation consultants claim.
The most important aspect of breastfeeding is of course the protection it gives your baby. For that alone it’s worth the heartache. But it’s certainly not automatic that breastfed babies will be healthier. A quick straw poll of breastfeeding women of my aquaintance shows just as many, if not more, infections and viruses and colds and flu not to mention reflux, wind, and colic as formula fed babies. While some breastfeeding mothers experience the benefits of breastmilk when their babies are sick my experience has been the opposite – baby has reflux and chronic wind both of which are worse on breastmilk and helped by special formula. My point is while yes, there are benefits, they simply aren’t as automatic or wondrous in reality as the established wisdom would suggest.
Another much vaunted aspect of breastfeeding is the emotional bond to your child. For me that came at birth; it was not affected by breastfeeding unless you count the adverse affect of sleepness nights crying over a colicky windy baby. The stress was horrendous. If I had allowed myself consider the possibility of supplementing it would have been much easier, better for baby and mother.
As mentioned above, when I asked for help, I got the standard lines about latch, supply, etc When I pointed out that none of these solved my problem they simply repeated the same redundant information. What upset me was the fact that each reptitive list came with an injunction not to supplement with nasty formula, always coupled with the comment that if I just persevered I would be a proper breastfeeding mother like them.
In frustration I outlined exactly what I had to face, step by step, problem by problem, and asked these same women for a practical alternative in my circumstances to supplementing with formula. Not one of them answered me. Not one. Instead I was inundated with help, advice and support from women who had to supplement themselves and who were made to feel horribly guilty about it.
A sacred mythology has built up around breastfeeding; it’s not enough that it is excellent for your baby – formula must be viewed as poison. Any suggestion that you can’t breastfeed is heresy; despite medical evidence to the contrary women insisted on telling me my colostrum had in fact come in on time, because “it comes in for all women.” When my supply remained low I was told that although I had tried motillium, fenugreek, mother’s milk tea, oatmeal, pumping/expressing, and prescription meds, all these things work without fail - I must just not be doing them right.
My GP recommended supplementing, our paediatrician agreed but the pressure from peers and the public health clinic to keep going kept me hesitating. When baby’s weight fell below the 3rd percentile for his (long) length, I decided to ignore the breastfeeding mavens and supplement. Earnest women in the lactation group urged me to reconsider; pressing me to contact a partciular group of women who were experts in all this. Experts, I ask? Oh yes, they gushed. This group of women started off breastfeeding and ended up knowing so much about it they are experts now, they know more than any doctor.
REALLY?
Like really, they know more than say, a doctor who has herself breastfed? or a paediatrician who has spent years studying the area? And no matter how extensive your knowledge of breastfeeding it hardly qualifies you to comment on the individual health of a baby that isn’t responding to the norms. In fact to do so is arrogant and irresponsibile. The PHN was reluctant to do so and she’s a damn nurse.
This was the point at which my blind faith finally crumbled and I succumbed to apostasy. Why was I, an intelligent educated woman, listening to the advice of self styled experts over that of my trusted and excellent GP and my hand picked, trusted paediatrician? I took one more piece of advice on the issue – from my GP – and bought a particular type of formula that helps wih reflux. Baby never looked back.
Whenever I raise these points with breastfeeding women of my aquaintance I either get wholehearted agreement and comfessions of guilt about having to supplement, or a defensive attitude along the lines of “why are you trying to denigrate the wondrous natural miracle of breastfeeding, you hag of hell?”
The truth is I would encourage any woman to try breastfeeding. I would tell them to do it for a week, or two, or six or three months or six months, as they can. I would tell them to supplement with formula if the baby doesn’t gain weight or if they cannot cope emotionally or physically with the constant day and night feedings. I would tell them to be proud of having breastfed and proud of knowing when to get extra help for their growing baby. I would tell them they are good mothers, and decent human beings, because they won’t let their child starve. I would reassure them that feeding baby a bottle that will ensure he is healthy, thrives, and grows is as valid a moment of parenting and emotional bonding as nursing on the breast.
I wish someone had told me these things. The mythology of breastfeeding needs to be challenged now. The belief in it as a one size fits all panacea has to end. When one country tries to enshrine breastfeeding in law and another suggests making formula feeding prescription only things have gone too far. The women who tell you in hushed tones of the conspiracy against breastfeeding by evil formula manufacturers need to cop on. Some women cannot breastfeed. Some women don’t want to. Some can physically but not emotionally while others wish to but economic and social factors force them back to work in indecent haste (America, take note.)
If I had continued to believe the wisdom of crowds on the subject my baby would have been extremely ill. If I listened to the same advocates now, I would feel extremely guilty. Instead I look at my little man and am grateful that I had the option to use formula and access to a variety of formulas to help him.
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